Puberty
Challenges during puberty
Adolescents' bodies, minds and emotions are in a state of upheaval during puberty. Teenagers want more freedom, parents see the responsibility. Many parents ask themselves at this stage: "What am I doing wrong?" The answer is: probably nothing. This is because puberty is a natural process that can be stressful but also offers opportunities.
Changes in teenagers
- Physical development: Hormones cause growth spurts, acne and physical changes - many teenagers feel insecure or uncomfortable.
- Emotional rollercoaster: Mood swings from sky-high to deeply sad are part of everyday life.
- Search for identity: Young people develop their own opinions and set themselves apart from their parents - which can lead to conflicts.
Challenges for parents
- Setting boundaries: Parents need to find a balance between giving freedom and setting clear rules.
- Changing communication: Conversations with teenagers are becoming more difficult because the fronts seem hardened or children withdraw.
- Loss of control: Parents experience that they have less influence on their children's decisions, which often triggers worries and insecurities.
Societal pressure
- Performance pressure: School, friends and social media put pressure on young people - parents are aware of this, but are not able to absorb it all.
- Media use: Conflicts over cell phones, social networks and screen time are one of the most common sources of conflict today.
First steps: How to stay in contact with your child
Improve communication
- Listen without judging: Young people want to be taken seriously. Try to listen without immediately criticizing or giving advice.
- Use "I" messages: Instead of saying "You never do ...", formulate how you feel. For example: "I feel overwhelmed when...".
- Show openness: Make it clear that your child can come to you with any questions - even on sensitive topics such as love, sexuality or friends.
Balancing rules and freedom
- Make clear agreements: Rules provide orientation - but they should be comprehensible and negotiable.
- Explain consequences: Discuss the consequences of breaking the rules in advance so that there are no surprises.
- Allow freedom: Give your child space to make their own decisions, even if it means making mistakes - this is part of development.
- Don't take everything personally: If your child reacts annoyed or responds flippantly, this is often less down to you than to the emotional rollercoaster of puberty.
Finding support: Where can I get help?
Counselling and support services
- Educational counseling centers: Professional experts advise parents on how they can improve the way they deal with conflicts, media use or emotional problems.
- School social work: Many schools have school social workers who are available as contact persons for young people and parents.
- Family counseling centers: These facilities offer support with family tensions and help to develop solutions.
Services for young people
- Youth counseling centers: Young people can seek anonymous advice there, e.g. on topics such as bullying, friendships or conflicts with parents.
- Online counseling services: Platforms such as kim.nrw offer young people the opportunity to receive support online - quickly and anonymously.
- Leisure and youth centers: They offer young people the chance to network with their peers in their free time and find meaningful activities.
Financial and organizational support
- Education and participation package (BuT): Financial support is available for low-income families, e.g. for leisure activities or tutoring.
- Parenting courses: Special courses for parents of adolescents in puberty teach strategies for stress-free interaction.
Tip: Use kim.nrw to quickly and easily find regional offers - from educational advice centers to leisure activities for young people in your area.
Frequently asked questions about puberty
Mood swings are normal during puberty, as hormones and the brain undergo major changes. Stay patient and offer to talk to your child without pushing them. Show understanding, but also set clear boundaries. If conflicts persist, family counseling services can help to improve interactions.
Withdrawal is a typical behavior during puberty, as teenagers seek their independence. Try to accept the withdrawal, but remain approachable. Shared activities without coercion (e.g. shared meals) encourage contact. If the withdrawal becomes too strong, family counseling may be useful.
Frequent conflicts are normal during puberty. It is important to stay calm and find solutions together. Avoid apportioning blame and make sure you have clear but fair rules. If the conflicts escalate too much, family counseling centers can provide support and promote dialogue within the family.